


sooner or later, you have to let it go

by catboylev



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Smut, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboylev/pseuds/catboylev
Summary: Awsten is in love with Jawn. Jawn finds out. This is the aftermath.
Relationships: Awsten Knight/Jawn Rocha
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	sooner or later, you have to let it go

Jawn pressed his nails into his palm. He slouched into himself. He averted his gaze. "How am I supposed to make you feel okay?"

Awsten stood at his kitchen counter, gripping his mug so tightly he feared it would shatter in his hands. Jawn was his best friend. This is his own fault, Awsten knew, and he wasn't sure how to fix it. What Jawn does or doesn't do isn't up to him— _who_ Jawn does or doesn't do isn't up to him. He knows that Jawn didn't mean to hurt him. In fact, Jawn was oblivious. _Strictly platonic_ , Jawn had said once when a fan asked about them living together. Nothing more, nothing less.

Tears welled up in Awsten's eyes. He couldn't make Jawn feel worse than he already did; so he stared into his coffee mug and hoped the tears that fell weren't evident.

"I don't-" his voice cracked. "I don't know."

He shut his mouth. Fucking up again was not on the to-do list.

"I'm sorry, Aws." He turned his eyes up to meet Awsten's.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." His throat was uncomfortably constricted. Warm tears contrasted deeply with his cold hands as he promptly wiped them away. Awsten inhaled heavily. "You didn't do anything wrong," he forced out. Breathing turned into a task when he saw Jawn's usual bright eyes uncommonly dim. His lungs were trappedby his rib cage. He wanted them to _get out._

The trouble with grabbing a tiger by the tail is that sooner or later you have to let go. Awsten wasn't sure he was quite ready for the consequence. Worst case scenario, it ruins his friendship of over ten years. Best case scenario... wasn't much better. As if things couldn't get any worse, Jawn proceeded to offer: "You know I love you."

And that's where Awsten felt his walls break.

His knees gave out. The mug in his hands shattered on the tile.

He vaguely felt Jawn rush to his side. "Awsten? Awsten!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell you. It's okay, I promise. If you need space or something that's okay. I don't want you to feel bad over me anymore. It's okay, I promise," Awsten rambled, stuttering nonsense and recoiling from Jawn's touch. "I don't want you to hate me," he sobbed.

His hands shook violently when he went to wipe his tears away. This was all his fault hisfaulthisfaulthisfaulthisfa-

Jawn grabbed Awsten's forearm as it bent up to his wipe off his cheeks. Awsten jolted away, nearly hitting his head on the counter next to him. Jawn's grip stayed firm. Awsten's face was uncomfortably warm and incredibly red, not to mention the pent-up tears continuing to roll down to his neck. He stopped moving completely, going stagnant in some sort of fight-or-flight mode. His eyes snapped to Jawn's. His eyes hurt. His throat hurt. Most of all, his heart hurt. And there was nothing that he could do to fix it.

Jawn sighed heavily.

"You're okay, Aws."

Awsten shook his head. Jawn changed positions. He sat with his legs flat out on the tile and his back resting against the wooden base of the counters. He pulled Awsten into his lap, shifting his legs to straddle him as Awsten laid limply on his shoulder. He rubbed Awsten's back, one hand rested on the back of his head and intertwining with his hair gently.

Awsten breathed in Jawn's familiar smell of cherry-wood, felt his ecstatic heartbeat, and breathed out into the fabric of his shirt. Jawn kissed the top of his head. He withdrew from Jawn's warm figure and looked longingly into his eyes. Awsten knew he didn't look good. He was sure his eyes were all puffy and weird and his hair was probably messed up but at least he could feel his limbs again. He glanced down at Jawn's lips and back up to his eyes.

"I wish you loved me the way I love you." He whispered. Like a sinner's prayer.

Jawn looked at him with a sense of normality. He nodded, and pulled Awsten in slowly. Their faces got closer, closer, closer until Jawn paused.

"Are you sure you want this?"

Awsten took a second, tightening his legs around Jawn's back. His back straightened. His mind had a jump start. He hesitantly responded with, "I've wanted this since our first shoot together."

Jawn looked surprised at his confession. Maybe Awsten was better at hiding it than he'd thought, or maybe Jawn was more oblivious than he thought. Awsten's chest still felt constricted. He let himself take another breath before gently holding Jawn's chin in his hand and tilting it up. _Now or never._

Awsten's eyes fluttered shut as he connected their lips in a timid fashion, propping his arms up on Jawn's shoulders. Jawn's hands held Awsten's hips, a solid yet tender grip that the older boy had been craving for years. He moved his lips cautiously against Jawn's. His facial hair scratched Awsten's face, but he didn't mind. He felt completely and utterly powerless.

He gingerly pulled away. He opened his eyes and searched for any sign of regret in Jawn's face. Jawns eyes sparkled in a way Awsten had never seen before. Not even when Jawn was with _her_. He ran his thumb against Jawn's cheek. Jawn smiled. It was one of those toothy grins that Awsten always considered himself lucky to see. It was so contagious that Awsten couldn't help but smile back.

"You're okay?" Jawn asked.

"I'm as okay as I'll ever be."

Awsten re-buried his head in Jawn's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his middle. He allowed himself to bask in Jawn's warmth. All of his worried thoughts took a step back for a moment. His head stopped being so... dizzy. All he could focus on was Jawn's hands in his hair.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic like almost 1000 words (although its not much!) i hope you liked it and im not used to writing often so if you could leave some tips/criticism/compliments in the comments thatd be great!!


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